through the cracks……emerge

 

You can aim for something and then it slips out of your hands- Eliud Kipchoge

Walking forward, very little veering….I see the future…… desire seeping from every pore-  Aiming for something…not knowing the specific way.   My vision- pin point, relentless and piercing.

Intent pulsing with every heartbeat…….a knowing……a certainty……the players ever changing…..the field of play consistent…..slipping through my hands until I change direction.

My results contained within the rules of physics and perception……

There is no end game…..the vision ever expansive…..a concept…..a goal for humanity….contribution and growth infinity.  Slipping through my hands until I side step.

Daily details……intricate interactions……a hard edge to stave off the obstacles threatening to halt my motion.  An obsession with what is right……what is just and what makes a difference.  Slipping through my hands until I go around.

Desire, year after year as strong as the last to get me to the next…….Ever emerging….

#BoxOn!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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living life with no choice

It’s always in the imagination that fear makes its easiest bed.  – The Tracker

 

Our nervous system links our body and mind.  We are a host of signals and chemical reactions that are influenced and interpreted by our environment.  So many of us stop ourselves before we even get going–often filtering information with our imagination.

The job description of a boxing coach includes being able to handle disappointment….. to weather heartbreak. To be able to know what should happen but stand back when those under your tutelage cannot see or believe it.  Being a boxing coach includes doing the repetition over and over knowing that you may have these let downs infinitely.

Our experiences are larger than ourselves and they are more immense than our mind can comprehend in the moment.

Because I am a boxing coach and was a competitive boxer,  I have developed a keen sense of instinct….an ability to read body language down to the tiniest micro-movement.  I have learned to sit in discomfort without need to change……. Learned to hear what words mean in the context of a sentence or a mannerism……  learned to express my range of emotions without guilt and to feel a parabola of feelings.

Being a coach makes me face what I don’t want to feel and no matter how I try to avoid things, I get hemmed into a corner…..forcing me to see what I want to close my eyes to.

Fearful anticipation gives us excuses and allows us to be irresponsible.  We can escape without having to step up to all that we are. Being a boxing coach has not allowed me to live in this land, rather it has forced me to step to the precipice, take a deep breath and jump.

Never have I not ultimately landed on my feet……..

#BoxOn

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overhearing conversations

Several months ago, I went to get food at one of my favorite Thai places, Bai Tong.  I always like to sit at the bar, whether I have an adult beverage or not.  It’s the place where the most conversation and interaction happens.

It’s the place a bunch of individuals feel comfortable in each other’s proximity by design.

I was loosely listening to a conversation of a lady on her phone.  It sounded like she was in trouble for being repeatedly late to work.  She was talking to someone she was mandated to contact.  I have no idea how it works, who she works for, what processes she had to follow but I’ll paint the scene as best I can.

It was midday, I was 4 seats to her left, tv in comfortable viewing for me to catch up on sports.  She, mid-20’s, slightly well kept in casual Friday kind of wear taking up 3 bar stool spaces with official paperwork, computer and phone.  In between sips of beer, she talks loudly into phone, hand on head pressing face into wrinkled distortions.

“We are allotted to be 5 minutes late and I’ve been 6-11 minutes late 6 times over the past month.  I live in West Seattle and work on First Hill, so traffic can be bad.  And it wouldn’t normally be a problem but I just got this new manager and she tracks and now I am supposed to talk to you.  I mean I’ve never been more than 12 minutes late……”

The conversation went on and on and all I could think was “just get to work on time.”  I wanted to ask her if she exercised, if she had pain, if she had a hard time sleeping…..I just couldn’t understand how she couldn’t see that she had complete control over the situation.  I wanted to understand how she felt like a victim in this situation……I wanted to understand if she could hear what she was saying…..where was her accountability? She could leave extra early every day, move homes, move jobs…..I don’t know, just anything except for be late for work frequently enough that you are in trouble.

And then I thought, what kind of a job budgets in to be 5 minutes late every day?

What is going on in our culture?  No one is responsible.  What are our standards?

I want to be accountable to myself and others always…..I want to be called out by those who care about me and themselves when I mess up and I want to learn about how and why I do what I do.  Let’s keep an awareness revolution going….let’s #BoxOn and be accountable for our decision making.

 

 

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In the Below

4am the alarm jolts me up out of bed– but let’s be honest….the anxiety of oversleeping had me awake at 12:00……1:30…….2:15…….3:30……….

Luggage, snow shoes, backpack….all a part of the essentials needed for this trip as we catch a Lyft to Seatac.

I like to be early, Coach Jen prefers the last minute….somewhere in between we arrive and get to our gate as we board during the final boarding call.  It’s an uneventful flight in the dark with minimal turbulence and a perfect landing.

8:40 AM and the sun is still asleep….preferring to rise closer to 10.  It’s 12 degrees above zero and I concentrate on keeping my body from tensing against the pressure of the cold.   Cold is invigorating and powerful.  I like to test my mental aptitude against it while leaving myself an out—-like going back indoors or wearing more layers.

I’ve been practicing using the Wim Hof breathing method and finishing my showers with freezing cold.  It’s a discipline that is seeping outside of the shower and into other parts of my life.

I’m getting more comfortable with very little excitement in my life..reducing the drama…..as I’ve said a bunch of times…..I get up each day and metaphorically Chop Wood then Carry Water.  It’s as our indigenous people have done for years……Get up, listen to nature and prepare oneself to make it through another 24 hours.

I’m getting more comfortable with what it takes to do the menial work of owning a gym, develop oneself and other coaches.  There are no training montage reels for taking out trash and recycling or asking others to complete tasks you need help with.  There are no 30 second splashes of video reel going over how to deliver a jab for the 1000th time. There is just the steady commitment to self and community.

This is all we are doing up here in #thebelow  We are doing the same thing you are doing back home……diligently working on our skills, working on other folks skills and seeing where we have succeeded and failed.

Please join us in doing cold showers..(still ending with 1 minute freezing cold)…..posting your pictures when you are in nature and when you are at the gym. Tag @arcaroboxinggym  We are all doing this work together.

#BoxOn!

 

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Environment

Who do you spend time with? How do they make you who you are?

James Altucher calls this your ‘scene.’ As Jim Rohn put it, you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. As my dad told me once as a kid, “Ryan, you become like your friends.”

Or as Goethe famously said it better and earlier (about 170 years before any of them), “Tell me with whom you consort with and I will tell you who you are.” And before him, Seneca wrote to a friend:

Choose someone whose way of life as well as words, and whose very face as mirroring the character that lies behind it, have won your approval. Be always pointing him out to yourself either as your guardian or as your model. There is a need, in my view, for someone as a standard against which our characters can measure themselves. Without a ruler to do it against you won’t make crooked straight

-Ryan Holiday

I’ve written a lot about being the part before you are it as inspired by Coach Jen.

I work with the coaches, with myself, with boxers and clients and to reach the unimaginable.  We can only know from experience, so there is so much we don’t know, so much undiscovered and uncertain.

10 years ago, I could have never imagined being a gym owner.  I could have never imagined all the things I’ve done in my life to date, so I know I have no clue what I will accomplish in the future.  This truth can be dizzying.

I set myself a vision.  A vision of solving problems, of being a contributor in my small community with the hopes that it has exponential effect into the world.  I’ve no idea how this vision will be accomplished.  What I do know is that with the vision, I can make decisions as opportunities arise to reach what I want.

So far this method has not failed me and I’m proud of my accomplishments and collaborations.

What you do today sets the tone for your future.

I’m looking to accomplish the impossible.  How about you?

-BoxOn!

 

 

 

 

 

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Failure

I learned how failure is essential for growth and confidence from my dog Frida.

img_3135We were hiking in a heavily bouldered area.  Already a tough task for a human—-an even tougher task for a long bodied, short legged canine.

We approached obstacles that I would navigate up and she would cry feeling left behind, trying different methods up- around-  until she figured out how to get to me.  In some cases, we teeter tottered it…..she would pop her front paws up on the boulder look over her shoulder at me- wag her tail and I would hoist her back end up.  Each obstacle a chance for tons of failed attempts, problem solving then success.  Her whining dissipated and determination took over with each situation we encountered.  The fun and excitement was visible in her face and through her body.

Failure is essential for growth and learning.

Failure isn’t an end point…..it is a point to pass through.  You must tinker around and experiment to see what each input gives you in result.

Failure isn’t a personality.  It isn’t who you are….it isn’t an adjective…it is active, a verb, an action with consequences.  Failure is opportunity….hope……inquisitive……curiosity….

Failure is interest in yourself and how the world works.

Failure is scientific— informational.

Failure makes you #BoxOn!

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Meeting your edges

 

Before enlightenment-
Chop Wood- Carry Water

After enlightenment-
Chop Wood-Carry Water

ZEN PROVERB

There is no destination.  We don’t really get anywhere nor do we really fix anything.  We literally show up each day and experiment. Our experiments have all the clues to answers we seek.  If we get more interested in the in depth process of learning, we get deeper, go further, discover more, open up for unfathomable realizations and consequently actions.

I have known coach Jeremy for 13 years.  We began as coach and client when I was at Cappy’s.  After 10 years there, I left not sure of my plan…..only sure of my desire to be a boxing coach.

After a failed attempt at running a class in the wide open Flo Ware Park in torrential rain at 6am I started searching for a place to call a temporary home.

 

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I found the covered basketball court at Pratt Park and began to set the bag up.  I hadn’t spoken to Jeremy in about 10 months and felt an urge to reach out….to see if he was training or wanted to train.  It was uncanny timing.  We both needed each other.

I was training Jen and a few other boxers and it was hard on my soul.  Having more people to train like Jeremy and a few #6amcrew die-hards gave me more hope……It put people around Jen and myself and made me believe that I could accomplish something if I just showed up for others everyday.

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Jeremy quit his job and went for a whole new direction….the park and boxing gave him stability and a place to root himself.  When we started the gym at the Jefferson building, he started teaching a class in exchange for free training and membership.  His desire to learn, to grow and to find direction was an important part of the beginnings of this gym.

After about a year and Jeremy teaching a second class, it made sense for him to become a  coach contractor and to prepare for his first amateur fight.

All of my exponential growth is in this gym…..in the relationships with coaches and with clients.  Preparing Jeremy for his first fight seemed like everything coming full circle and it was rewarding.

Jeremy has been like a brother to me in many ways…..I am grateful for all the conflicts, the conversations and the insights brought forth because of being in each others lives.

His last day as a coach with Arcaro will be Friday January 11th.

Again, he has embarked on a whole new journey.  The past several years, he has put himself through school, co-parented his son and coached.  I’ve watched him obtain goals he didn’t imagine possible.  Soon, he will be a teacher and I can think of no better person to enter our education system.  He is and will be an asset because of his ability to take on discomfort, hold himself accountable in and out of the ring.

Please show Jeremy your gratitude over the next couple of weeks and as always.

 

#BoxOn!

 

 

 

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when you know

I had the sense of relief that comes from knowing that you have done the hardest of all the things you have to do, and the independence that come from having done something very difficult and important to yourself, even though no one thinks it’s the least bit significant.   – The Tracker

I always say that no one can take your training away from you, because you did it.  Long after your competitive days are done, you still carry with you all that you faced, your failures, your successes, your work.  You are the one that got up when you wanted to stay in bed.  You are the one that suffered through countless hours of discomfort.

There is no end goal….no destination.  There is just experience after experience.  There is you at every turn and bend- to be faced….

Each altercation -interpersonal and outer gets you a little closer to your core if you do the work.  And if you do, no one can take away what you have learned, what you have settled within, what you have understood, forgiven, accepted and refused to settle for.

#BoxOn!

 

 

 

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Fear

The most tiresome thing of being a coach is watching fighters hit that wall of fear and choose to walk away from it.  It’s heart wrenching to watch from the outside and see it so clear.  How do you convey the changes that occur when one walks through the fire without veering?

I was a hot mess in my late teens and early 20’s, but one thing that I clung to was sports and an insane work ethic.  At one point, I was a senior in high school taking honors/AP classes, working night shift and playing organized school sports.  I chewed a lot of gum to stay awake in class and had dependable workmates that would let me doze in between rounds.

Emotionally and mentally I was chaotic, dramatic, all over the place.  Work and sports were my paved path.  I couldn’t keep it together on the inside, so I made the outside a constant.

Stalking Wolf said that if we took our knives and camped in Hell for a week alone, we would never be afraid of anything again.  He gave us strict instructions about what area we had to stay in and what trails we could use. – The Tracker- The true story of Tom Brown Jr.

Fighters disappear into their heads……they disappear into their own self pity.  We all have that tendency…..but boxing and life are cumulative.  Nothing stops and if you do, things pass you by.  Nature constantly moves.  She doesn’t have a bad day, disappear, pull back her wind and hide.  She keeps moving.  When we stop, when we don’t move through and face our troubles, then we will be out of synch and the work is 50 times harder than it was before.  What used to be your solace now becomes a discomfort.

When we retreat and isolate, we cut ourselves off from nature and that is truly impossible.  We have no choice but to be linked, each molecule of ourselves is part of world.  We are all connected and our isolation is a violent act to the fabric that binds us.

A miraculous thing happened to me at that moment.  My fear turned inside out and became maniacal rage.  I was still there and I was still scared, but I was too mad for fear to have any effect……..I believe I must have chased it two hundred yards, well into the woods, before I fell down too exhausted to run or punch or stab another time.  I stayed on my hands and knees, panting, with my head hanging.  I did not care if whatever I was chasing turned and came back on me all teeth and appetite.  I did not care.  I had spent my rage.  I had spent my fear……I confronted it and have not been truly afraid since.

I have come through many experiences and my best lessons were from looking into the lion’s mouth.  I am thankful for the courage to feel pain, discomfort, insecurity, joy, success.  This ability to feel and keep my balance is what put the walls up in the gym.

#BoxOn!

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My new mentor Stalking Wolf

When Stalking Wolf gave us a test, it was not a test in the sense that it could be graded.  It was a way of knowing what to work on next.  The importance of the test was not the results but what we did with them.  A limitless commitment to learning was less important than knowing the limits we had and what they were.  Our training was a matter of defining our limits to ourselves as well as a way of sharpening our skills.  The essential question anyone needs to ask to survive is, ‘what do I need most and how can I get it’?   -The Tracker – The true story of Tom Brown Jr.

We live a life of extreme shelter and safety.

Houses are built to keep things out.

This kind of living has translated into fears of failure….a desire to be perfect and pristine.  I watch the incredible freezing creep into folks bodies as I show them their stance and how to advance and retreat and ask them to repeat what I demonstrated.  I watch the stutter that shimmies through their entire body before movement happens…almost as if they know they will fail and why should they begin?  I watch the nervous laughter as they try and excommunicate the discomfort they feel when the moves don’t come out quite right.

Boxing is a long time sport.  It takes a long time to move smooth in footwork and it takes even longer to understand leverage.  Add in the threat of a punch and now you have a lifetime practice of not being good at something.  A lifetime of learning.

We learned two things from our tests, the limits of our power and the limits of our will.  One was a measurement of skill and the other was the measurement of our personality.  Most people underestimate their abilities because they have never had a chance to test their limits.

It’s easy to quit before you start.  It’s even easier to get started, get somewhere and then quit.  Because you know what it took just to get the few steps you took and sometimes the thought of traveling further is unbearable……but how will you know if you don’t keep moving?  Often times it is simply the “idea of” and not the “actual” that dictates our decisions.

I’m up here in GlenAllen and sometimes I feel like quitting before I start.  The set up is even more rudimentary than what we have at the gym.  No cable machines, only a few fixed points.  I feel overwhelmed at the idea of not being able to make a difference, at not being able to help.  I feel overwhelmed at my lack of knowledge and ability.

I look down the trail as it disappears into what seems to be a cliff.  I remember to start simple.  To not look for any change, to not look for immediacy.  This is where my personality will be tested.  Can I simply do the basics over and over again, knowing that this is what it takes to get the skill to scale that cliff when it comes?  This is where my need to feel effective will be challenged because it could be months or more before I see any changes……..What am I doing this for?  To feel important, or do I believe in the work?

#BoxOn!

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