I step into the ring and am summoned to the center….looking right into myself. I hear the referee’s instructions like a faint, tinny, hollow echo. I never lose my gaze as I back up to the corner and hear my coaches’ last minute instructions fade outside the ropes.
The bell rings for an elongated vibration and I take my steps in to face myself. There is no escape, each movement I make is met with a counter movement. Every punch I throw is timed with precision, exposing my gaps, my hypocrisies. I pivot, duck, move off the center line and get a new perspective for a fleeting moment. The bell rings more abruptly this time, ending the round and I head to the corner.
My breath feels like the only thing walking back into the center of the ring- I’m weightless except for sweat droplets teetering from the ends of my hair strands. A part of me wants to stay in the corner and only listen to someone else….to be let off the hook, to rest and not be responsible….but the stool is removed and I must stand to answer another 3 minutes on my own.
This is me, studying the patterns of control and controlling behavior. Me understanding that I am responsible for developing myself and paving the way for others. I do this through understanding my development as a human. Body mechanics, social paradigms, personal behavior, making attempts, failing, succeeding…..these are daily skills to learn about.
I’ve been thinking a ton about controlling behavior- It’s because, through the gym, I’m establishing a leadership paradigm and have lot’s of questions about what is control or controlling versus what is absolutely something that is necessary that I make final decisions? What is absolutely necessary that I dictate the steps that should happen? Where do I need to step back more and listen and move along with others ideas and actions? Where do I completely step away?
These questions are like a science experiment to me…..I gather information and look at all my behaviors that might shed some light on my questions.
One thing I noticed is that I am particular to schedule. I don’t always have to follow it, but I absolutely have to have a written, planned out template for a day. I like to break the structure and create from it as a base rhythm. I don’t like to operate without it.
When I am uncomfortable, I switch to controlling mode- it’s seamless—–somewhere between fight and flight is where I go and it comes across as aggressive- unrelenting-in charge. It’s a sloppy place to be though on the inside I feel taught. This isn’t ultimately the feeling I want. This type of control doesn’t allow for the natural rhythm to come through and it doesn’t create opportunity for honest interaction. But as I stay studious to my actions and decisions, I learn more by staying present in this place. I don’t try to fix it….I just get more aware, more able to make conscious decisions from the frontal lobe and not from an animal brain.
In the ring, there is nothing but honest interaction. In life, it takes more intent to get through your own and everyone else’s cover.
When am I being in control and when am I controlling? Where do I say this is the way and where do I move aside?
It’s a daily boxing match.
Open the door to Arcaro and the feeling is palpable. You can’t say the exact vibe, but you feel good. You sense the work that goes on in this gym and it moves through you, leaving you with an impression and the understanding, that you are going to have to show up when you come in to train.
The coaches train in their daily life so you can come in and have a pure experience, all your own. An experience that will expose you to yourself. It’s why we always say to