We put so much of our fear and trepidation on the shoulders of others. We blame them for not being able to speak the truth. We say they are intimidating, unapproachable- a multitude of reasons to justify our silence and withholding. There is no one to keep us from crossing the gap but ourselves.
It is up to us to dictate our own actions. We cannot control the other’s response, we can only control our own. It’s taken me most of life to feel as if I can even partially back up this belief.
In boxing, often times a person will determine their efficacy based upon a landed/missed punch. This method of feeling effective results in fleeting moments completely externally based. It’s not tangible and cannot accurately be measured or felt accurately- it is entirely ego based and not from within the body. Fleeting efficacy cannot be built upon for future experience.
“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”
You must stay in your own rhythm. That doesn’t mean it can’t change, but it has to be yours. Each and every moment there is opportunity to be swayed…..if you do sway, it should be because it is right for you……because you choose it and it will bring you more of yourself.
As I move into the 5th year of the gym, I realize that I am accomplishing more with less time. I am creating little moments of complete calm by making opportunity to be barefoot in the grass….walking the dogs, taking the trash out, vacuuming the canvas, organizing the gloves, straightening the jumpropes, talking to other business owners, collaborating with coaches…..and many more……
These things are in my rhythm…….they are my experiments and my outcomes…..no one else holds my experience in their hands.
3) Quality of life is determined by how you deal with your moments, not which moments happen and which don’t.
I now consider this truth to be Happiness 101, but it’s amazing how tempting it still is to grasp at control of every circumstance to try to make sure I get exactly what I want. To encounter an undesirable situation and work with it willingly is the mark of a wise and happy person. Imagine getting a flat tire, falling ill at a bad time, or knocking something over and breaking it — and suffering nothing from it.
There is nothing to fear if you agree with yourself to deal willingly with adversity whenever it does show up. That is how to make life better. The typical, low-leverage method is to hope that you eventually accumulate power over your circumstances so that you can get what you want more often. There’s an excellent line in a Modest Mouse song, celebrating this side-effect of wisdom: As life gets longer, awful feels softer.
4) Most of life is imaginary.
Human beings have a habit of compulsive thinking that is so pervasive that we lose sight of the fact that we are nearly always thinking. Most of what we interact with is not the world itself, but our beliefs about it, our expectations of it, and our personal interests in it.
We have a very difficult time observing something without confusing it with the thoughts we have about it, and so the bulk of what we experience in life is imaginary things.