I am the great offender of cutting people off- sometimes I think I’m even as bold to finish the concept, thought or sentence for another. I’m certain this is my least favorite habit that I engage in currently. I find my own self rather irritating at times.
I often sense this hurry in my interactions and I’d like to slow down. Sometimes the hurry is a resistance to silence and I know this because when my mouth is silent, often times my thoughts are loud. It’s like I need to really understand and be understood and if I don’t fill up the space with words there will be uncertainty that we are connected and in alliance or opposition.
I pay attention to how I listen because I want to hear more. I want to understand myself. Hearing creates space and time and gives you vision. This is a beautiful skill as a boxer and coach. When I fill the gaps, I don’t give time for authenticity to unfold…..I squash it.
I want to hear more, because when you hear in the ring, you feel. You know where and when the next punch is coming. You know just the right place to put your feet, turn your torso and let your punch go. When you hear, you have more appropriate instruction for your boxer and you know what will influence the demise of their opponent.
I want silence from my mouth and my mind, because this is how it feels when I go into nature and I think I can get it wherever I’m at. I know I can live in my intensity without pushing others away or bludgeoning them with my opinion. I know that listening does not dampen intensity and I won’t have to give up the incredible passion and fire that courses through me as I make my way through the world. I’ll get access to more of it.
I still appreciate the kinetic part of me that jumps in to speak, because this got me here. I cut my teeth on talking too much, being too opinionated and being the outspoken one. This part let me accessed my courage and allowed me to back up others. The jumpy, insecure, need to speak quickly part of me taught me what it feels like to repel others- to understand what it’s like to panic and need others to validate me.
I want silence because the cacophony of gloves hitting bags, mitts and bodies is a gorgeous melody drowning out all the uncertainty and within that vacuum of thought is the knowing of what to do next.