The source of a lot of unhappiness is our insistence that others change.
When I first started coaching, I would get frustrated or impatient and mad at the boxer I was training because I thought they should be somewhere that they weren’t. In a sense, I would blame them for not being more skilled to handle the challenges in front of them.
But, I realized that I was really just mad at the fact that I had to face things within myself because of their supposed unpreparedness to handle the challenge before them. I had to deeply inspect my role in their inability. Did I give them the right tools to use? Did I talk when I should listen? Did I push them too fast or not enough? Is what they are dealing with even my jurisdiction? Do they need time and space to grow? Is my authority clouding their desire? Do they really want to box?
As Coaches, we experience the delicate dance of self development and developing others. We are in the trenches of inability just as much as those we coach. We learn about ourselves through our reactions to situations with others. We take each of those reactions deeper to discover what part of us is in the way of allowing the space and time to figure “it” out. We take each interaction and use it to guide us in the future…..to help us relax under pressure so that our vision is clear.
What comes out of this work is better boundaries and clear expectations in interaction…. A knowledge and relaxation free of limited perception. Through self development, we as coaches find our leverage and are able to pull people in that are ready to work with us, and us with them.
The source of our happiness is often the ability to free ourselves from others while at the same time being intrinsically connected.