I’ve spent a lot of my life fortifying an identity of insecurity and lack. I had to work incredibly hard to obtain small amounts. I had to push boulders up hill only to get pushed down to the bottom and start again. Sisyphus was my totem animal.
I had to fight to box…..work harder than anyone….prove myself all the time……..get accolades to feel ok about myself, but they were short lived and empty.
Not facing my feelings of having enough……not facing my feelings of insecurity created a huge chasm inside. There aren’t enough accolades or atta girls to fill the gap of emptiness that resides inside from not facing things.
When I started this gym, I was very aware of the insecure, need attention person in me. I decided to embrace her, to study her, to work with people who could help me learn and grow. I knew if I didn’t, then my business would be a reflection of what I didn’t face versus a reflection of the community that trains at the gym.
I’m working toward my 3rd year in business and my 3rd year of being responsible for competitive boxers. I’m responsible for my all my results, success or failure, and I do my best to model this. Letting an identity go is a hard task full of tons of tiny habit changes. Changing from the mentality of not having to having is a daunting bit of work at first, but going through the process is incredible and rewarding.
I do have a gym, I do belong to an incredible community. I have everything I want and more coming around the corner and I’m beginning to accept this more and more as my habits of lack become habits entrenched in a wealthy mentality. Wealth of friends, wealth of good health, wealth of ability to pay bills doing what I love. The wealth of appreciation. Wealth in so many forms.
Boxing training has been instrumental and necessary in this self-work. The effort it takes to keep your cover up versus letting that lead hand sit low is the same effort it takes to change a thought pattern. The amount of rounds that go into footwork just to be able to move effectively around the ring are akin to changing judgment thoughts to observation and interest. The mental focus it takes to train everyday through discomfort is the same type of focus it takes to hang in there and stay present when feeling difficult things.
Boxing training is my answer to an entirely different life than I believed possible and I’m surrounded by a lot of people also believing in its benefits!