A friend recently shared a blog titled Everything Doesn’t Happen for a Reason by Tim Lawrence.
I like Mr. Lawrence cannot stand being told that everything happens for a reason. It’s the most uncaring and non responsible thing that can be said in my opinion. Losing loved ones, experiencing trauma and a whole other host of life changing incidents don’t need to be thrown into a big trash can called “happened for a reason.”
When I hear that phrase from another, my interpretation is, “I’m really uncomfortable with the feelings that come up for me surrounding your situation, so I’m going to find something to say that makes it all better and sensible.”
Life changing events leave scars and reminders. They leave marks and stains. And I really like the statement,
Some things in life cannot be fixed, they can only be carried -Megan Devine
I firmly believe we are soley responsible for the way we carry these things. Mr. Lawrence is right when he says that we “replace grieving with advice”……actually we have replaced a lot of emotions with fixes. I believe in grieving, in feeling angry until you know what you feel and I also believe in taking responsibility for our own feelings. I believe in taking responsibility for how we carry our grief and how we ultimately are in the world as a result. I believe in others taking responsibility for their own feelings. When we all take responsibility, there is room for us to collectively feel……and that is powerful and healing.
Boxing has taught me the power of feeling, of taking responsibility, of going through hell and coming out the other side carrying my experiences in a different way. Boxing has taught me that others have a right to their own experience and that I need to be responsible for my reactions to their experience. It has taught me the power of choosing to raise my fist to hit, to express, to acknowledge the effect I have on another. Boxing has taught me the power of letting stuffed down emotions come to the surface.
Sparring with another and experiencing the two of us taking responsibility for our feelings is the most powerful experience I’ve ever had. Both of us with each other expressing our own experience is amazingly intimate. It is healing and transformative.
Boxing has taught me to sit in my discomfort and others and not to fix anything. It has taught me the power of witnessing others and myself simultaneously.