Yesterday, a recreational boxer was talking to me about the recent blogs as our competitive boxers are preparing for their fights on Saturday. He felt as if his life experiences of late were applicable to the concepts in my blogs. Then he asked me to write something about what do you do when you nail your performance and you don’t get the decision. I have come up with a little different spin on this request.
Sometimes you want something so bad that you don’t really look at the whole picture with an open heart and you don’t look at it realistically. Sometimes you think obtaining this one thing will take care of all the unsettled feelings you carry around.
One of the most vulnerable things for me to do personally is spar in front of my boxers or others that I am invested in their opinions of my skills and ability. I put unrealistic expectations on myself to perform a certain away…almost expecting an impossible perfection and this results in tension and frustration. I logically know that of course I am not going to be able to perfectly do all the things I ask my boxers to do. I am going to drop my hands, I am going to fall off balance and not execute well all the time. I keep telling them I want them to work on things they aren’t good at, but there I am, wanting to be perfect and look good.
I realized today that I’ve been being “one of those guys” I am lamenting my competitive experience. I am telling all my old glory day stories, over and over. I desperately want for my experience to have been different. I want to take care of unsettled business. These stories are no longer applicable and still I am hanging on to them. No one really wants to hear these stories over and over from “that guy”! I’ve been thinking if I could have just 1 more fight then I could prove something to myself and everything will be alright. But, that isn’t realistic. I am running a gym and getting my training in just to stay fit is hard enough, let alone getting the kind of training it would take to go in the ring. I am training a larger amount of classes, competitive boxers, individual clients, and cross training sports teams and they are taking up most of my day.
So, what do you do when you just don’t quite get the decision you wanted and you put forth your best effort?
I am starting to see that I am looking in the wrong place for that elusive decision to be recognized. My answers are all around me. My success is not to be in the form of my competition. One last fight will not satisfy my dissatisfaction. It will not make everything feel alright again and it is distracting me from the positive things around me. My satisfaction and unsettled business will be settled in the building of this gym community, it is in the building of successful boxers in the ring and out in the world. It is in the form of giving all my boxers room to blow my skills and my experience out of the water. It is in the making room for them to have their own experience and not one based on mine.
The past 3 days this gym has been a buzzin’. We are being recognized more and more in this community. Our amateur team is growing. Pro boxers are starting to train here. The recreational boxers are motivated and improving. This is my success. I have worked really hard to achieve this. I have worked hard to accept help in building this gym. I’ve collaborated, struggled, let go and allowed others visions to be expressed versus insisting my own be the right way. This is where I have gotten the decision, not the competitive arena.
It’s time to put “that guy” to rest.