Confidence- we all possess it, lose it and constantly search for how to keep it.
I recently had a friend tell me they didn’t wish me to think of them as weak or lacking confidence. I responded with, “that is exactly why I respect and like you. You are real. You are fallible, insecure and doubting, like all of us. You are willing to show me that side of you and that takes a strength like no other. That makes you a comrade in this journey and I like knowing there are others doing this life with me.”
I would not know my confidence if I didn’t know my lack of it. Sometimes, I learn more about what I am made of and how I can evolve when I experience bouts of no confidence.
I label confidence as a skill. It has to be developed, nurtured and grown over and over again. In some situations I have confidence in myself, no matter the terrain, in other situations my confidence is as fleeting as the sun in the winter in Seattle. I am more confident in the presence of some and less when around others. Confidence is a skill to be refined and experienced in all its forms. It can get stronger like a muscle. It can lack flexibility or it can gain range.
When I research what the common denominator is in the situations when I lack confidence, it is my desire to please, impress or be liked by others. I am far more concerned with the way others perceive me than I am in my own understanding of myself. When I begin to doubt myself is when I really care what another thinks of me at that moment. It’s not a bad thing. It’s not a terrible problem to care what others think. It keeps you on your toes and helps you to have new perspectives. It means you care about humanity and the way we all relate. It means you have respect for others. Lacking confidence enlightens you about your balance and how you can be knocked out of whack…….it also shows you how to get your balance back.
Conversely, when I am confident, it’s not that I always know I’ll be successful, it’s that I am comfortable whether I fail or succeed, that I know I am learning and giving 100%. That I will evolve from the experience. I am confident in standing on my own two feet on the path I am treading. I am confident that if others don’t approve, I will stick with myself and make adjustments if they make sense, and if they don’t, I’ll have the strength to continue with my actions void of defense or explanation.
We aren’t lesser when we don’t have confidence and we aren’t more powerful when we do.
Having confidence and lacking it is simply the beautiful ebb and flow of life and experience that all of us humans share.