I have historically been proud of my ability to hang out in discomfort and my ability to push myself into discomfort.
Now I have found a whole new level of discomfort I wasn’t ready for, nor do I think I am that skilled at…… Witnessing others going into new levels of discomfort. I feel like shit today. I keep trying to bounce out and not engage with this feeling of discomfort, but it doesn’t go away. I have to stay here. I have to lead by example and stay in this bog of stench.
The hardest thing I have ever had to do to date is watch my boxers experience new levels of pain and discomfort. I’m not talking about the physical punches or the physical pain from pushing oneself in training. I’m talking about watching them face their Achilles heel, the one thing that has their number, the one thing that prevents them from breaking through. Watching a boxer run into this part of themselves is excruciating. I want to go in and stop it, I want to go in and save them and if I do, they will never get through. It makes me feel helpless and ineffective and I guess that is my own version of my Achilles heel.
I have 3 boxers experiencing different levels of meeting their ultimate match right now and I have never been more uncomfortable. They are all at different levels of being extremely angry with me and hurt by me. But, when I can settle down and stop wondering whether I’m doing the right thing, I know that no change can come without extreme discomfort. I have to trust that if they want more of themselves and to reach their goals, that they will learn and bounce through this time period.
I too have to ask myself how much do I want more of myself? How badly do I want to keep growing? How much strength do I have to hold steady and keep moving forward even when others might not be trusting me right now?
I love boxing and how it humbles me in so many ways. I love how much boxing gives me my life to live as I choose. It gives me the skills to really grab what I want and in times like this, boxing helps me to hang in there and believe in what we are all doing.