Just like many of you, I have experienced a lot of hurt in my life. At first I learned tons of skills to shut down hurt, keep it away, avoid it and blast others before they could get to me. I earned the reputation as a tough girl, a bad ass and intense. These titles just upset me more because I didn’t feel this way on the inside. I was pushing people away and not drawing them in. I’ve referenced before that May of 2012 I had a huge awakening, a softening and opening up that has impacted me more significantly than any life experience to date. This past year has completely tested my ability to stay open. 10 months gym homeless is stressful, exhausting and very tempting to shut down and give up.
Many boxing coaches have a similar story to mine. We all have carried our bag or our mitts around from place to place looking for a home. I got incredibly lucky and found a covered area in a park to call home for the past 7-8 months while I looked for 4 walls. Being here has let me see humanity in movement and it has been profound. From the homeless lady who jogs every morning, to the Tai Chi group, badminton players, weed smokers, drinkers, gypsies, basketball players and yoga groups, I have encountered my community to its fullest. I love it and love being an integral part of it through boxing training. I have experienced feeling down and ungrateful to feeling overwhelmed with gratefulness and appreciation for those of you who have kept on supporting me and the sport of boxing.
I was just about to the end of my rope again and finally the gym started becoming a living organism. Wilcox Construction put together the perfect crew to work with me. The super for the crew, John has been an inspiration to talk to and he is putting a lot of love into building my space. We are finally here. Two weeks to a soft opening and October 7th is it! We are live.
In boxing you have to let punches in. You have to risk being hit, risk being hurt and risk engaging to accomplish what you want. The relief and breaks started to come this past week as have a few more tests. I am motivated to allow hurt in now, to allow it to move through me, to continue to shape my kindness, my passion, my belief in the greatest sport I’ve ever encountered. The saying is usually the truth will set you free, but today, I hit the heavy bag, wept a little bit and I know that really hurt will set you free.